| BLOG | View Blog | | PITA | | Posted: 6/19/2008 6:59:11 PM | Read 56 times | 0 comments |
 | Before the 90's | | Posted: 3/28/2008 8:46:13 PM | Read 57 times | 0 comments |
| It is about me isn't it? | | Posted: 3/7/2008 4:33:11 PM | Read 58 times | 0 comments |
| Where have I been! | | Posted: 2/24/2008 7:41:12 PM | Read 53 times | 0 comments |
| Who should take the Urine Test?! | | Posted: 1/29/2008 5:29:18 PM | Read 59 times | 1 comment |
| The Important Things | | Posted: 12/31/2007 3:05:59 AM | Read 58 times | 0 comments |
| In God We Trust! | | Posted: 12/29/2007 8:23:12 PM | Read 48 times | 0 comments |
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Here's looking at you!
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| SHOUT BOX |
An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% .
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown . '
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor 'What kind is it?'
' Twelve thirty.'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One more. !
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Like those? Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laff ! |
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| Alan | 42 years old
Male
Conroe, TX
Hometown: Conroe
Last Login: 10/24/2008
Purchase Alan |
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"Any day spent above ground is a good day!" |
| | View My: Blog | Pictures | Videos | Layouts |
| BIO | | PHYSICAL | | Race: | Caucasian | | Height: | 6'2" | | Body Type: | Scales are my enemy | | SOCIAL | | Marital Status: | Single | | Children: | None yet | | Sexual Orientation: | Straight | | Religion: | Christian | | Smoker: | Yes | | Drinker: | Occasionally | | EMPLOYMENT/EDUCATION | | Education: | Some College | | Occupation: | Computer Information Specialist | | Income: | $100,000 to $150,000 |
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| STUFF ALAN LIKES | | Interests: |
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
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Roger, Your Karmic Alignment is: Zen Intuition!
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| Score: 17 You have a direct perception of truth. You are very keen and don't use it to take advantage. When you commit positive deeds, you don't do them to get ahead, you do positive deeds simply because it makes you feel good. Your intentions are almost always meant well and all this positive karmaic energy is bound to come back to you in a great way! |
Now must mean this year --- So ...
Learning more about YHWH's word. Meeting people. Meeting ladies. Looking for friendships with ladies. Looking to make friends with everyone. Learning more about computers. Helping people. Befriending animals. Enjoying life.
| | Sports: | Oh dear. So unprepared. Little Red Caboose -- Chug Chug Chug. *rocking violently in corner*
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't really have favorite teams and sports as it implies that I will turn on the tv and watch them, go to their games, etcetera et al. No not me. No way.
But, I do have an interest in the Houston Texans, the Dallas Cowboys, the Houston Rockets, the Houston Astros. I personally prefer to play the sports versus just watching them. I personally like Bowling above all and golfing 2nd. Tiger Woods would be my golf pick. I don't care for tennis, but love to play it. And for that I'll go with the Legendary John McEnroe as he was the only reason I would watch Tennis on TV. You never knew when he was going to explode! | | Music: | In my best Dr. Zoidberg, "Again with 'now?', confused about time are we?"
- Queen
- Inspirational
- Lenny Kravitz
- Pink Floyd
- Weezer
- Buddy Holly
- Richie Valens
- Jack Black
- Matisyahu
- Elton John
- Blondie
- Abba
- Van Halen
- Motley Crue
- Ray Stevens
- Jonathan Coulton
- The Black Crowes
- The Ramones
- Rolling Stone
- Ozzy
- Black Sabbath
- Bernie Schumpert
- Zealot Sounds
and many many more! | | Movies: | I like movies. Sure do. Watch them all the time. I present you a list in order of favoriteness.
- Bicential Man
- Star Wars
- IV
- V
- VI
- I
- II
- III
- Star Trek (all)
- SpiderMan (all)
- SuperMan (all)
- Spawn
- .. ah hell, anything based on a comic book at the movies I have seen, as well as based on hard core sci fi.
As to when I last saw a movie at the box office? I don't remember it has been quite awhile. Perhaps someone will be willing to help me break that streak!
My new preference is to watch emotional romance movies. The kind that make you sad then glad and then ends with some uncontrollable emotion the director was striving for all along.
Want to see such a thing, get with me, become my friend and we can go as a group and see it. :) | | TV: | TV shows I watch weekly in the inverse order of magnitude. Where 1 is EPIC and subsequent numbers are less so.
- Heroes
- The 4400
- Dr. Who (all versions)
- Flash Gordon (all versions)
- anything based on Stargate
and anything else that tells me about a time (past, present or future) that is impossibly better than this time and place we all inhabit now.
That means, I don't do Oprah. | | Books: | The favorite is at the top of this list. The last book I read is State of Fear by Michael Crichton. The books are listed in the inverse order of magnitude. See TV shows for an explanation.
- The Bible
- Computer Books
- Books by Michael Crichton
- Books by Isaac Asimov
- Books by Arthur C. Clark
- Books by L. Ron Hubbard that are scifi and not related to dianetics
Feel free to suggest some books. | | Heroes/Idols: | I most admire Emanuel Yahshuah Ha'Moshiach. That name has a meaning and it is thus: "For YHWH with us" "For Salvation" "The messiah". And we wonder why the Pharisees and the Saducees wanted to kill him so badly. Not only did he teach from the Torah and the TaNaKH, but he bore the Name of YHWH.
This is further evident in the first 5 verses of the Gospel of John:
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with YHWH, and the Word was YHWH. He was with YHWH in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. "
and then in verse 14:
"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the YHWH, full of grace and truth"
So with a name like that, a legacy like that, the way he lived, what he taught, what he was, what he is, what he will be, his promises, fullfilled and yet to be; these things all threatened the heirarchy of men, the control of men over other men and most of all it threatened Satan's plan to make sure men would not be able to rise above the Fallen Ones and attain the position that YHWH wants all of us to attain.
Look to YHWH, Look to the Bible and if you are in the neighborhood look me up. |
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| SCHOOLS | | Madison Sr. High, Go Mustangs! | | Location: | Madisonville, TX | View | | Status: | Alumni | | Graduated: | 1985 | | Clubs: | I wasn't in any clubs. But I was popular. I didn't know that until I got back from the Army. I was always a club of 1. Turned out everyone liked me. That is pretty cool if you ask me. | | Sam Houston State University | | Location: | Huntsville, TX | View | | Status: | Alumni | | Attended: | 1992 - 1996 | | Degree: | Bachelor's Degree | | Major/Focus: | Computer Science | | Clubs: | Highlands I & II (I am Trimaster).
I'm only "Attending Now" if you believe in the 80 year degree plan. By now the transcript is wiped anyways and I would have to start over. |
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